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My Blog

August 2017

Metamorphosis

I have lately been reflecting on my new office and consulting space. 

Work starts soon, in the next couple of weeks, and I have been thinking of this new beginning as a metaphor. The office, as it is, is empty, run down, shabby and needing major upheaval to change. The effort to change into something else is considerable. Just putting a quick coat of paint, new blinds and carpets will simply not be enough. The fundamental shift required to change from a hairdressers shop (where we are)into a safe, secure, comfortable and therapy space (where we want to be) requires planning, expense and investment of time and money.

And so it is for those who recognise their lives have become mundane, banal and empty and have tried to make changes, to put a surface coat of normality and functioning but its' really not worked. they become stuck, not sure where to start with their life renovation and recognise they need some support in this project planning " to put a new show on the road" (Berne).

I might liken the process of therapy to the client as the existing office, absolutely OK in their essence and recognising a deep sense of unease as to how they feel or function in their own skin. They can continue to operate as a run down shop or hairdressing establishment, not really getting anywhere or undergo a refurbishment which entails considerable commitment and motivation. As with any change it's not easy. The therapist could be seen as the architect of change"What is it you want to do here?", what needs to be done first, and then next? The therapist offers the client their training and expertise in turning the client's "building" into somewhere soothing and settled, somewhere to be themselves, to find what they need.
The metamorphosis of the caterpillar into the butterfly takes time, energy and enormous reorganisation of their internal world. The metamorphosis of the individual in therapy is no less profound.

I will keep you posted on how the office metamorphosis goes!Work in progress!! here's the before photos.

Being Busy

I have been reflecting recently about how client's have been presenting with what seems to be surface issues such as a general feeling of unhappiness or dissatisfaction with relationships.
Scratch the surface and under this veneer lies stuff that's been hanging around for years going back to early childhood or even infancy.
Client's manage these feelings into adulthood by filling time with being busy, working hard, achieving high grades at school, getting a good degree, high achievers at work, being the brightest and best at what they do. 
Often they are the envy of their friends, appearing to "Have it all", and yet............
They come to see me feeling depressed and anxious, lacking joy and happiness realising these feelings have been dogging them for years. They have tried pushing these feelings down "maybe if I work harder, achieve more I will feel better?" as if working harder, longer will make these feelings disappear.
Sometimes client's will "self-medicate" with drugs, alcohol, food, shopping, tobacco, gambling, sex and overworking to "fill a hole in their soul".
They sort of know something is wrong or there's something wrong with me? Why aren't I happy? From all appearances and the outside world I have everything, but inside I feel worthless, empty.
Something happens that slows things down or speeds this up; the breakdown of a relationship, a partner leaves, someone close dies suddenly or diagnosed with a terminal illness, work becomes too much with work-related stress, they can't sleep or function anymore and thoughts of suicide emerge. The client visits his GP and is diagnosed with anxiety and depression and given medication. They think "I must be weak" something else to chastise themselves over!
Perhaps someone close to them suggests they see a counsellor "What me?" "I just need to pull myself together""talk to a stranger!!". They think about this suggestion and do a quick Google search to see who what where there are counsellors nearby or maybe further away from home. They find me on myVistaprint website, Counselling Directory, Adwords or NaturalTherapyForAll. 
Clients often comment on the warmth of my photo and the content of what I write strikes a chord with them.
This is a fairly typical case study of clients who come to see me.
So what do I do? First and foremost I listen and hear about how they have been feeling and thinking and find out about their lives, struggles and achievements, what has made them the person they are today. What happened to them over the years and how did they decide to be the person they are today?
We then make a plan together for the work ahead... sound OK to you?

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