St Andrews Counselling & Psychotherapy - "Take your first step to emotional health & well being"
RSS Follow Become a Fan

Delivered by FeedBurner


Recent Posts

Being Busy
Moving and Transitions
Contact me to talk about counselling; This is how it works.
Do I need counselling?
The drive for growth and mental health and wellness; Physis

Most Popular Posts

St Andrews Counselling & Psychotherapy Blog Opens
Working with Trauma:Early Deconfusion work
View from the Bridge ( trigger warning contains reference to suicide)
Transactional Analysis: The Ego State Model
More on Perfectionism: The Be Perfect Balloon

Categories

anger management
Anxiety & Depression
Couples Counselling
courses and groups
emotions
Is counselling for me?
mindfulness
promotional offers
Transactional Analysis
What I can offer
Working with trauma

Archives

August 2017
May 2017
March 2017
January 2017
December 2016
July 2016
June 2016
May 2016
January 2015
October 2014
August 2014
June 2014
May 2014
April 2014
March 2014
February 2014
January 2014
December 2013
November 2013
October 2013
September 2013
August 2013

powered by

My Blog

Relationship and Couples Counselling

People come for therapy and help with their relationships often by themselves. They either decide alone to come or have been given an ultimatum by their partner to "get some counselling or I am leaving".
 
As an observation individuals who do see me by themselves are rarely the sole source of the problem. The relationship runs into problems or founders when either of the couple sees the difficulties being the responsibility of the other.
 
Of course there may be exceptions to this such as gender based violence, substance misuse and infidelity which often means one partner's behaviour has impacted so negatively on the other that the relationship ends or limps on when promises are made and assurances given that "it won't happen again". What happens next is key, how the "injured person" reacts and responds to promises and assurances when in fact nothing has changed.
 
Often the seeds of discontent have been sown much earlier in the relationship. Humans are able to discount and ignore their partners less positive personality characteristics, consciously or unconsciously hoping to change them. Unfortunately we are only able to change ourselves and this requires a willingness and conscious decision to do so. Being pressured, criticised, or humiliated into changing leads to friction, unhappiness, anger and despair.
 
Often dysfunctional relationship patterns are repeated from one partner to the next. Unconscious psychological patterns to behaviour are fixed early in life and are played out in relationships to reinforce what we feel about ourselves and others. Certainly one to one counselling is helpful to explore this pattern, to raise the individuals self-awareness and ability to reflect and identify ways they might change.
 
Couples counselling can begin once these issues are identified and resolved. The main areas covered in couples work are:
 
1. To look at how couples communicate with one another so they use comments less critically, and non-humiliating and learn to "fight fairly".
2. Change is more likely to come from building on the positive aspects of their relationship, looking ahead and not "rehashing past grievances and hurts.
3. Focus on the strengths in the relationship and foster hope that they can make the changes and meet one another's needs. What was it that drew them together in the first place?
4. Do each of the partnership want to stay together, what's keeping them there, and how might they stay together or separate amicably?
Couples therapy is demanding and challenging but deeply rewarding for all involved. I see the couples relationship as the client, not the 2 individuals, as the work and change happens in the relationship.
 
I hope you have found this blog article useful. I would very much appreciate your constructive comments and feedback. If you would like to know more or are considering couples counselling then give me a ring on 07824700980.
 
 

4 Comments to Relationship and Couples Counselling:

Comments RSS
counselling in melbourne on 16 April 2014 05:53
I've been looking for information like this for quite a while and found your blog post like Relationship and Couples Counselling. Thanks so much for the information.keep it up
Reply to comment
 
Anonymous on 28 May 2014 14:37
Thank-you for taking the time to comment and leave such positive feedback. It's good to hear you have found this information useful. kind regards, Carol


hanowa swiss military watch on 26 December 2014 23:56
Youre so cool! I dont suppose Ive learn anything like this before. So good to search out any individual with some unique ideas on this subject. realy thank you for starting this up. this web site is something that is wanted on the internet, somebody with a little originality. useful job for bringing something new to the internet!
Reply to comment
 
St Andrews Counselling on 27 December 2014 17:36
Thanks Hanowa for taking the time to comment on my blog, it's always gratifying to get such positive and constructive feedback.

Add a Comment

Your Name:
Email Address: (Required)
Website:
Comment:
Make your text bigger, bold, italic and more with HTML tags. We'll show you how.
Post Comment
Website Builder provided by  Vistaprint